II’ve always held myself to a high standard. Always been comfortable with challenging myself and accomplishing goals. At times I feel like I have too much ambition, and sometimes I feel that it’s healthy.
Recently it has been crippling.
Crippling to a point where I’m not sure I want to be this ambitious anymore. To a point where I think maybe I should just get a normal 9 to 5 and enjoy my life a little more. Why am I stressing over accomplishing goals? Goals that are set by myself and no one else. Maybe I need to lower the bar? That’s when my other thought comes in and says fuck that – get after it!
I often wonder, why? Why do I want to get a certain degree? Why is it so important to me to have a Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math degree? Do I really want to do something in that line of work? The simple answer is no – so why am I pushing myself to study mathematics?
The other side of that coin is, why not? If I am capable, why not do something that will set me up in the future? Sure, studying mathematics is hard, but isn’t that what life’s about? Challenging yourself until you’ve reached your highest potential?
It’s a constant battle. Between being highly ambitious versus wanting to live a normal, easy life. Finding a balance is probably the best answer for me. How does one find a balance? How do you lower the internal pressure that you have on yourself? How do you cut yourself some slack when you know you’re more than capable?
I don’t have the answers right now, but I’m working on figuring it out. I have to remember to be nicer to myself… and that internal pressure is just that: internal pressure created by myself.
